26.5 (according to my GPS) miles of blood, sweat, and tears was the culmination yet also the beginning of a beautiful mind/body transformation and realization.
Let me rewind. This marathon was about so much more than finishing a race...just as every marathon is for me. I view the marathon as a yearly pilgrimage. The journey is difficult--starting with training--and is largely outside of one's control (i.e. race day weather), but in getting there you become not only physically but also mentally stronger. The race itself--the pilgrimage destination--is the ultimate celebration of life. While running a marathon, you feel so alive, and experience the broad spectrum of emotions that come with truly living. You feel connected to everyone around you on a deeper level than you could ever feel in any other type of crowd--from your fellow runners, to your spectators, we're baring it all--hearts on our sleeves. And that's exactly how I showed up on October 9, 2021.
For a year, on and off, I'd been trying to conceive a second child. Having had the privilege of growing up with a sibling, it was my desire to give my son this experience. I'd feared becoming mama would mean a diminishing of self, since I'd seen that played out before, and had plenty of people telling me I'd be giving up this and that (including running) once I had a baby. (SIKE!!) But actually, becoming mama brings an expansion of self and reawakening--suddenly, you can see the world through someone else's eyes, and you have more motivation than ever to grow into your best self. And with nothing much to distract me during the pandemic, I was (a little too) zeroed in on getting pregnant.
I have PCOS--a label slapped on a surprisingly large amount of young women that don't have a regular period until they go on birth control--so was always told I'd need to consult a fertility specialist to conceive. Conceiving naturally was never an option in my mind; in fact, it was an impossibility. For my son, I took a pill to stimulate ovulation, had intercourse, and was lucky enough to conceive within 3 cycles (read: months). Now, 6 cycles of those pills had not worked, I was being given more hormonal pills and injections to supplement, and I was going to move up a step in intervention (to IUI instead of timed intercourse). Oh, and throw in a surgery, too. I kept soldiering through, telling myself I was getting one step closer to realizing my dream to grow my family (though of course, I have other dreams, too).
On my first IUI, I got pregnant, but it was not a viable pregnancy. I experienced a miscarriage. Finally, I stepped off of the fertility treatment treadmill and reassessed. Essentially as I was having my loss, I ran the Courage to Speak 9 Miler, which gave me the courage to sign up for a marathon. This was a weird and soul searching time for me. My son had his second birthday as I was recovering, and I was so thankful I forged ahead with the party, and I entered a phase of "why not!?" I signed up for Fearless Coaching sessions, to build my soul up better and stronger than ever before; decided to accompany my husband on a business trip to London/explore solo; and register for the Hartford Marathon just 7.5 weeks in advance of the race. I looked at my calendar, filled in the blanks on when I could squeeze in those long runs, and was ready to go!
Before I knew it, we were saying goodbye to our dog and his dog sitter and packing up the car to drive to Hartford, where my son would have his first experience staying at a hotel (he loved it). My husband and son stayed in the room next door to me, and I got a room all to myself. We had a pasta dinner in our room and tucked in early. My nerves were there, but I had the confidence that comes with 6 marathons under my belt. I've got this.
Race day morning was not without its hiccups. I'd paid an extra $50 bucks or so for the "VIP" experience of being in a warm place pre-race with water. BUT, little did I know, it was SO far from the hotel (like a mile and a quarter walk) as well as the start. UGH. Live and learn. And ironically, I'd gotten my period (which never comes) two days prior, and decided I'd forgo any feminine products for the race. If I bleed, I bleed. Runners are bloody all over by the end of a marathon.
I did my usual ritual of using the bathroom as close to start time as possible, then found my place in the pack. It was strange to be so close to strangers without a mask on, but I wasn't too worried about it. The outdoors have been my refuge for the entirety of COVID. Of course, someone asked me what my goal was, and I honestly remarked that I wasn't sure...anywhere between making it to the finish line and qualifying for Boston would be more than fine with me...but most of all my goal was to smile the whole time!
I ran my first mile, saw my husband and son, and mouthed "sh*t" with a sheepish grin...I'd run a sub-7...WHOOPS! I needed to slow down! I backed off and got myself to barely a sub-8 by mile 3, and kept on trucking. At mile 5, my ego started kicking into overdrive...what are you doing; where did this pace come from; you can't go on like this...and I saw my husband and son again just in time. Faith restored...for now.
So, confession--I HATE the half marathon mark of a marathon. What is the point!? Just mark mile 13, then mile 14. We signed up for a full marathon; we've done half marathons; leave it! I always pass it and think, whoop-dee-doo, that's certainly not my finish line today! If anything, I find it discouraging! And this day was no different...I realized, oh boy, my legs are ALREADY heavy...AHHHH! Usually, in a marathon, your quads get heavy at the end. Ideally, not until you're in the 20s; often, when you're around 18; but at the halfway point, whew boy, this was going to be rough.
Nonetheless, I kept the smile going and kept the legs moving. Later on, I was shocked to find out that I barely had a positive split (read: slowed down). Overall, my pace was super consistent. But, I felt like I was carrying cement quads. Some things I thought to myself: One foot in front of the other. This is what I came for. All I have to do is show up. I already did the work of training. There will be beer. And when I saw people walking or pulling off: This is the Amy show. They are on their own unique journeys. This is yours.
 |
| A blissful race moment, pre heavy legs. |
All of the mental struggles that came with the pandemic and conception served me on this day. My mind was so strong, and helped guide my body along the marathon journey as I ran a pace I'd never tried on a long run and on a super abbreviated training schedule at that.
I crossed the finish line at 3:31:27. According to my watch, I ran a 7:58/mile pace. (My PR was previously 8:11/mile pace.) I was elated. I was exhausted. I found a nice looking young man named Jonah and said, "Excuse me, I think I'm going to faint," and proceeded to the medical tent.
I had INTENSE calf cramps--turned out I had not taken in enough fluids (I hadn't run a marathon since 2018 so was a bit rusty!). My husband and son put 2 + 2 together and found me. I was pretty loopy and saying everyone was my best friend, not surprising if you know me. After they helped massage me out, I went and got all of the food, had a nice beer, listened to the band and danced a little with my boy, then made my way back to the hotel for a fantastic shower.
I was in shock for days, even still now reliving this. How did I pull this off!?! I rode the runner's high for days, even weeks. I will never forget Hartford 2021.
The Run Down
- Type: Race
- Course Distance: Full Marathon
- Location: Hartford, CT
- Terrain: Moderate hills/flat
- Hydration/nutrition: Yes/throughout course
- Bathrooms: Yes/throughout course
- Other conditions to consider: It is an out and back at the end, on the one hand challenging but also an opportunity to see more runners; although there is also a half marathon, you don't have to see them finish as they go off in a different direction at a certain point.
- Recommended? Yes
Comments
Post a Comment